Easier to Blame Me!

Why do some people always think it is easier to blame someone else for their behavior, and people who find animals are no different. I know I am a control freak, but even I have time off, and the few hours I manage to grab with my husband or family are precious to me. I still manage to be on my phone, and answer people, but not as much, but it seems that having time off is wrong!

Last night I was out with my husband, when a guy who adopted a dog from me, messaged and said he found a kitten. The kitten was in the middle of the road, weak, and sick so he took it to a vet.... pat on the back for that.... he messaged to ask if I could take the kitten, I answered and said I couldn't as I had 62 cats, and sorry but I couldn't help.

He messaged back..... " so I will kill it then" now this is something I hear a lot, people always throw the "Im going to kill it, unless you help" speech into the conversation. I am not shocked anymore, and will not play the blackmail game, so ignored his message. Why do people think they can guilt you into taking animals. Come on people man up, you want to kill it then do so, but don't try and guilt me into taking animals.

In my mind it was done, I had answered him, he had thrown his statement out there, but oh no he then went on to post on our FB page stating I had forced him to kill the kitten. errrrrrr rewind there, you told me you were killing it, I never once suggested it. Of course, though it was my fault, it always is. Apparently, because I had not taken the kitten, and he had not bothered to contact anyone else on the island it was my fault.

People like this really piss me off, you want to kill the kitten then do so on your own back, do not lump the blame onto me, making me out to be the bad guy. So, the usual pathetic argument continued on FB where he continued to blame me for his decision to kill the kitten. Why can people not man up when they make crappy decisions, it is far too easy to blame others, especially me. I have in the past been blamed for the Zika virus, Ebola, and starvation in Africa. So, feel free if you want to blame me, for all world disasters, maybe a hurricane can be named after me soon :)

If You Are in Animal Rescue You Will Understand

I receive a lot of messages everyday, and some are simply pointless, and I wonder why people even took the time to write the message. I actually do ponder, if they are writing just to wind me up, or if they genuinely do think they are right. The messages I am talking about are similar to these:

I want to adopt a dog, to save a life, however, it has to be under 6 months, a pure breed, weigh exactly 2.5 kg have short brown hair, and have specific markings. I want it to be fully house trained, have everything done to it, and know its name already. I want a FULL history on the dog from birth until now, and if you have no dogs like this, then I wont bother.

I want to donate some items to you, my dog no longer wants them, they are just some old things we had scattered round the house. There are several old moldy chew toys, a bowl with a crack in it, but if you pop some duct tape on it the bowl will work. I have also popped in some old blankets my dog has peed on a lot, and chewed up, I'm sure they will be of use to your dogs, well they are only rescue dogs! I also have some dog food that I opened in 2001 and left outside to get wet, but I'm sure its fine, just not to feed my dog. I dont need thanks, but make sure you mention me and my amazing act all over FB at least 15 times a day.

Can I adopt a dog? I don't have any money, or  a job to pay for vets care, buts its ok as I read you have paid for it all to be done already. I know you ask for a donation, but why should I pay, I am rescuing the dog, so surely its free to me?

I just found this dog, it was sat outside my house, if it was any other breed I would keep it, but I cant, and the strangest thing it recognizes my voice already, and is really friendly. Nope I have never seen it before, it just turned up. Why all the questions, you are an animal charity, which means you have to take it, and if you don't I will leave it somewhere, but here is 5€ to look after the dog that I saved, arent I amazing!

And they go on and on......... Please save your time, and efforts and simply dont bother in the future.

Why Have a Dog?

A question I ask myself often, is why people have dogs, as often they provide, no care, little water and food, and really should not have a dog. However, when approached and asked if they want to give up their dog they look shocked, and claim " noooooo I love my dog" REALLY

Not all Canarians are bad, and some brits are equally shit dog owners, but some owners here, have us shaking our heads, and asking over and over why. There are some breeds that you expect to see chained up, im not saying they should be chained, but some breeds are "expected" ie guard dogs. However, when you see other breeds chained, it seems to be even more strange, for example chaining a cocker spaniel is bizarre..... which is why we unchained Koda and negotiated with the owner to let us take him.

Koda had been chained his whole life, left to sit in his own urine staining his white coat a dark yellow. He was a lovely dog, with so much energy and was so excited to see people, yet the owner left him chained, with his other dogs. I will never understand these people, and their reasons are simply strange.

 Koda had no idea why he was chained up, surrounded by rubbish, and other barking dogs. He simply stood there day in, day out waiting for a scrap of affection.

The owner truly could see he was doing nothing wrong, and it took a lot of persuasion to get him to allow us to take the dog. When we finally did , he was covered head to foot in ticks, and was so underweight. He had goofy teeth where he had been chewing on rocks out of boredom.

In time he flourished, put on weight and was goofy and funny. He was a typical cocker spaniel, full of energy and love. Koda was adopted in the UK and now has an amazing home, his days of chains well and truly behind him.

Rescuing Goats....

I love goats, and have always wanted my own, and as with everything they seem to pop up in the weirdest of places. We how have a few goats, all of which have been rescued, and some have been found by friends. Now being crazy myself, I tend to attract crazy people, its a talent I have, and they lead me into crazy situations.

So, one afternoon I receive a call to go and collect a goat that is about to be killed, with limited directions, we find ourselves driving down an old goat trail following a strange guy. I ask her where did she meet this delightful man, and she pipes up "in the petrol station" I asked her, how she managed that and it seems she simply asked him whilst he was filling up her petrol. Now me, I ask him for diesel, hand money over and leave, but nope she asked for petrol, and a goat.

Obviously he had goats, and had told her where to go, which is why we were heading into the wilderness, potentially to our death. The track got steeper, and narrower, and at this point I did think this is where I am going to die. Suddenly the guy in front stopped, leapt out, and walked off, I took this was we were supposed to do the same.

Every step we took was heading down the side of a mountain, now Im no climber, or walker for that matter, and my mood was deteriorating fast. I had a crazy friend wittering, a crazy goat guy telling me how his goats were beautiful, and at this point, I was thinking about swapping my friend for a few sheep.

We reached the bottom, I could hear goats, I thought brilliant, until the goat guy started hiking back up the other side. REALLY...... at this point I did think we had been brought out her to be killed, and eaten by this strange guy. I checked my phone for signal, dont be silly, why would there be any out in the middle of no where.

Finally we reached the goats, and there were hundreds, as I wondered which one was ours, the guy appeared with an incredibly old, slow sheep on a bit of rope. It wasnt even a goat, it was a sheep..... the guy told us she was old, useless, and didnt have babies anymore, so to take. Thanks, I now had a sheep, when I wanted a goat. Off we trudged back to the car, with a slow sheep, no water, and me mumbling how I need to say no when people tell me to go rescue animals.

Wild Dog Chase.....

Dogs that have been found pop up on FB all the time, the Spanish have a really annoying habit of finding a dog, taking a photo, and then walking off. They post the photo on FB and hope the dog will simply sit there and wait to be rescued. Now this is very unlikely to happen, which causes chaos, when trying to find the dog again.

One night I had a call from one of my crazy bunch, she had seen a post on FB about a dog in a local town that needed help. All the information she had was the town, and a photo of the dog, I pointed out it was pointless searching, but she had got herself in a flap. She stated she was going searching that night on her own, in the dark, in a not so nice part of town. FFS ..... yes you guessed it I couldnt let her go alone, so I agreed to meet her.

From the moment we met up, I pointed out my views that to find this dog was near on impossible, and that it was dark, and I was cold and grumpy. Did she care, did she hell, and off we went to look for a dog. Along the way she pointed out she had brought chicken, and called the dog Rooney, again WTF we had not even found the bloody thing and it had a name.

She kept looking at the photo on her phone of the dog, sorry Rooney! and asking people if they had seen the dog, which of course no one had. She commented that he was laid next to a yellow wall, brilliant, there are only 5000 buildings with yellow walls.

As I drove around she would lean out of the window, waving chicken screaming Rooooooonnneeeeeyyyyyyy, I pointed out he did not know this was his dumb arse name, but she was having none of it.

After several hours, which felt like days trudging through cactus's and being stared at by all the locals she finally asked me if I thought we would find him..... my answer. "NO" She looked like her own dog was missing, and although she was being a sappy dick, I knew I had to do something. I contacted everyone I knew in the area, all the cat colony people, and animal people, and asked them to keep an eye out for the bloody dog.

The next day I got a call, a woman had walked in to a local vet with him, and the vet called me, I told her to keep hold of the bloody dog, and I would collect him. Well needless to say I had one crazy friend, oh and another dog to rehome!

Rooney soon became Buddy, and he was lucky to find a lovely home in Norway. Although he caused a night of frantic searching, he was one of the lucky ones, and as with all dogs, some get under your skin. On this occasion Miss High was not giving up until she had him, and it was her determination and nagging that got him rescued. 

Tristan.....

All the dogs that we have rescued are special to me, but Im not going to lie, some are incredibly special, and these dogs have a huge place in my heart. Usually, it is the dogs that were on the brink of death, the ones that we honestly thought had no hope. Tristan was one of these dogs, from the moment Tristan and I set eyes on each other, it was love.

 Tristan was found on some waste ground, he was hog tied, and left to die. He had managed to wriggle around and eat everything near him to survive. Twigs, rocks, rubbish, anything to keep his body from shutting down. Tristan was just 11KG when he was found, badly beaten, and so close to death.

Tristan was dehydrated, and was rushed straight to the vet, where everyone thought he was going to die. his chances were slim, but we looked at each other, and I told him to fight. 

After meds, and the usual treatment, he came back to the kennels, and begun his journey to recovery. Tristan needed six small meals a day to regain his strength and begin to put on the weight he desperately needed.  

Tristan was an angel from the moment he came to us, he was big, but gentle, and so kind, he never once caused problems, and was the first to great me every time I went out to play with the big dogs. 

Tristan was loved by everyone, and when he had gained the weight , and was ready for adoption, we knew it wouldn't be long. One day another small dog needed a blood transfusion, the vet needed a large calm dog who would sit still... of course Tristan was chosen. He didn't get a cup of tea and a biscuit after, but he was rewarded with bonios. 

We were asked for a dog to put in a collaboration calendar, of course everyone choose small, fluffy dogs, we choose Tristan! 

Tristan was adopted in the UK by an amazing lady, and every time his face pops up on FB it makes me smile. Dogs like Tristan make the tough days easier, and the  sad days not so heartbreaking. The day I said goodbye to Tristan, Im sure I had dust in my eyes as they were watering badly..... 

Not All Humans are Arseholes....

I dont really like people, I know I hide it well..... OK now you have stopped laughing, I have good reason not to like humans. The problem is with what I do, I see the worst in humans, I see the animals they have dumped, abused, and even killed. I hear the whinging and whining excuses why they cannot keep their animals, or how their life is just so hard.

However, every so often some amazing people pop up from behind the scenes, and restore my faith in human beings. This week has been one of those occasions where quite a few people have made me smile, and realize, I do have support with what I do, and  not everyone is an arsehole. We have had some huge donations this month, which has meant I have paid a big chunk to the vets, who are incredible, and patient.

We have also had some amazing adoptions, and some photos have appeared on Fb of once traumatized dogs, now being loved unconditionally. For me the donations help to pay the bills, but the photos and messages from people who have adopted, are why I do this day in day out. I always feel that saying thank you is not enough, but every time I do say it I really mean it from the bottom of my heart.

I may come across as harsh and rude, but I do appreciate everything that everyone does, to help save more animals. Without the good guys in the world, the arseholes would win every time, therefore, we need to keep going, and recruit more good people. So once again THANK YOU to everyone that has made me realize that this week at least there are good people lurking.

Batteries!

Chicken farming was not something that I thought I would ever do, but rescuing the chickens from the battery farm and watching the flourish is satisfying. The battery farms on the island are brutal, and as soon as the chickens stop laying daily, then they get rid of "old" stock. This involves selling off the chickens at 50c each for one day. After this day they gas what is left, which is thousands of birds.

When you first see the batteries they are in an awful state, they have been kept in tiny cages, with no natural light or airflow, and they are forced to stand day in day out on wire flooring. Now chickens dont make me go all soppy like some people, but I still feel for these birds. Unfortunately, battery farms are legal, and many people have no idea where their eggs come from.

We go to the battery farm as often as we can to release a few hundred birds. This is a drop in the ocean, but helps a little, and that is something. The chickens are in fact good layers, and pay their way. Every part of the process is horrible, as the guys working in the factory have no care that these are live animals, and will cram as many as 15 chickens into one small cardboard box.


I appreciate it is education, and that these guys have been taught this is right, but come on common sense has to kick in somewhere. They also carry them by their feet which always makes me cringe, but all I can do is pay, cringe and get out of there as fast as possible. If I spend too long thinking about the thousands that will die that day I would never return.

So all boxed and ready to go the chickens make the journey home, often

laying eggs in their small, dark environment. The smell is pungent to say the least on the way home, Thankfully we dont live that far away, and I know that as soon as we are back they are starting the first day of their new lives.

When you open the boxes and tip out the chickens, they have no idea what to do, they have never seen earth, or straw, or other animals. Everything is a threat, and some die of shock early on. Others move slowly around unsure of what threatening stick or leaf will appear next.

The batteries always take a while to adjust, and we have found that where you release them, is where they stay for days, They will stand in the same position, laying right in that spot. which means there are eggs all over the floor, like a giant Easter egg hunt, without the hiding.

After a few weeks they begin to settle, and follow the other chickens that have been through the rehab program. Some dont make it, and simply cannot cope and die, for the others, they now have a long and happy life, free ranging, eating and laying when they feel like it. We sell the eggs to help pay the feed bill, and although they will never sell enough to cover the whole thing, they do well.

Nothing Of Value.....

I love my car, it was bought for me by my husband, and although she is old, she is reliable, sounds like me! The car has to be practical, and is used to carry a huge array of different items, including animals, feed, and furniture. There is often dog biscuits, scattered around, on a bad day puke somewhere, and on a really bad day dog poop can probably be found.

Apart from mess, and dog stuff there is nothing of value in my car, therefore, I tend to leave it unlocked everywhere I go. Before everyone plans to steal my car, think carefully, would you really want to be faced with cleaning the thing! The other factor is my car is worth the world to me, but probably around 1,50€ a button to other people.

People get stressed that I dont lock the car, but the way I look at it, if you are brave enough to venture inside my car then you deserve it. The comment you must have something in there of value, is often said, and I tend to laugh! Come on people not only do I have animals, but I have children they have taken everything of value, including my sanity.

If you dig through my car, you may find some treasures, like 400 shopping bags as I always forget if I have put any in the car, so I tend to put more in there every trip! There are dog leads, and dog food, treats, and toys. There are often jumpers, and scarfs, again a lot as I tend to leave them in the car, and forget to remove. There is also cling film, dog box bolts, and if you are really lucky ..... dog hair and straw!

My husband does despair some times, as my car is a tip, and it does have dog hair, and dried up vomit on the seats. He nags to get it cleaned, but to be honest there is no car cleaning company that would touch my car. So, if you ever see my car parked, and you notice that it is unlocked, please feel free to clean it as you pass!

Its Exhausting....

There are many days when I end the day exhausted, who am I kidding EVERY day I am exhausted, mentally and physically.  Animal rescue is tough, every day there are more and more requests to help, less funds to do so, and setting personal limits is impossible. Rescue is a lifestyle, it is not a job, it has become my life.

Everyday I receive messages asking for help, it is so hard to explain how I decide who to help, but every case I take on board all the facts.  There are always cases which are harder to say no, and then the ones that fall into my inbox over and over. The kittens who didn't ask to be born, the dogs dumped due to people leaving, or the abuse cases that I see over and over.

The dogs we take, rescue and rehome are the lucky ones, but not every story is a success, and these leave a scar. This could be due to a number of reasons, lack of funds, behavioral issues, or medical problems. Strangely even successful cases drain you, and I have had to learn to take one day at a time, and learn that I cannot save them all.

People often say to me, take some time off, do something else for the day, have some "you" time, and I actually laugh. Although I am exhausted, I am also a control freak, and struggle to allow anyone else to help. There are  a few people who I trust to look after my world, and even then they receive the 150 page manual that I write. This has every scenario, and what to do, including floods, plagues, and hurricanes.

However, this said, I know when I am reaching my energy tanks being completely empty, and know it is time to just have a couple of days away. It is typically when I become irrational, and start arguing with idiots on FB, for no other reason than they are idiots. Exhaustion makes me loose my cheery outlook on life (sarcasm there) So, time to recharge those batteries soon, before I kill someone, or many people.

You Don't Know How Much You Need Something Until Its Gone!

Water..... it is something that we take for granted, and many of us turn on the taps, and expect water to flow all day everyday. Unfortunately, our water is hit and miss, we do have mains, but it comes from the reservoir. Which means that when it hasn't rained, and filled this massive hole in the ground, then we don't have water.

We do have tanks, thank god, but no pumps, so the water from the tanks has to rely on gravity, which is slow... and when I say slow I mean SLOW. To fill one bucket takes 20 minutes if I am lucky, which means everything is longer and more stressful. The other issue that we have is that we have to fill the tanks from a water truck which costs a fortune.

I used to take water for granted, and knew if I turned the taps it would come, now when the water is flowing, I actually mutter "thank fuck" You do not realize how much water we get through in one day until, you have to go to the supermarket and buy bottles of water so that animals can drink. The horses alone will drink 15 gallons each, before we even start with all the other animals. On average we go through 300 gallons of water every day.

Of course along side drinking water for all the animals, we use a huge amount to clean with, there are pressure washers in every area, and washing machines to cope with the huge amount of bedding we wash every day. The washing machine goes on at least 12 times a day to try and keep up with the washing mountain. So, no water means this all grinds to a halt, cleaning continues but with bottled water and brooms, but in a nutshell it is hell.

So needless to say, yesterday on the hottest day of the year so far, the water went off, the tanks were nearly empty. The water trucks were called, and I spent the day in a foul mood, telling the water gods to fuck off, and asking for it to rain. So, next time you turn on your tap, and your water flows, don't waste it, as you never know how long you have it for!

Emergency Puppy Washing

Remember me saying that as soon as we box dogs they poo everywhere, well yesterday a puppy out did itself. We thought we had got away with it, we thought none of the dogs had decided to poo in their boxes, however, there was a smell that followed me around. For once I had clean clothes on, so I knew it wasnt me, so I blamed the dog right in front of me and stated it had stinky farts, oh how wrong was I.

So, there we are checking dogs in, which takes a huge amount of patience, and the newbie check in girl asks to see the dog for the cabin. I pick up the cabin bag, unzip the end, to close it very quickly, the puppy in there had decided to poop and roll. OMG there was dog shit everywhere, the whole of the inside was covered, the puppy was covered, and I found where the smell was coming from!

We got through check in, and security with one batch of dogs, but I knew at some point this pup had to be got out of the bag. There was only one thing for it, we would have to bath the pup, in the bathroom. Whilst one of us took to the task of washing the pup in the sink, I fully unzipped the bag to see what we were dealing with. Somehow managing to spray the sinks, taps and mirror with puppy poop.

Although we had water, wipes and tissue, puppy poop always seem to be more sticky and toxic than normal dog poop. It was simply not coming off without a fight, poor pup had now been washed, and was currently under the hand dryer. Finally the poop was lifting, but the sink was filled with brown sludge, and the smell was delightful. I hoped to god no one normal walked in to use the toilets, and right on cue a lady walked in.

Looked at me, looked at pup, and said with a smile, are you anything to do with Pet Pals, now come on I know the smell is a give away but she must have been very clever to have known that. I replied "yep" and she followed ah you must be Louise, again why does everyone recognize me when I have poop everywhere.

A brief conversation later, and an apology for the poop everywhere, we realized we had been chatting online. Ten minutes later, one pup back in bag, all clean and dry, one bathroom fully cleaned, no would never have known we were ever in there, well apart from the lingering odor of puppy poop!

Its A Mongrel

One of my pet hates is when stuck up dog owner informs me they have a puggle, or a rottapoodle, or a labrashepherd. As soon as they mutter the words, of its a pure breed blah blah I come back with "you mean a mongrel" With this they are often mortified, and you would thought I just told them that I aim to eat their precious bundle of joy.

Why o why are so many people embarrassed by the fact they have a mutt, and why did stupid breeders decided that mixing breeds was a good idea. Well actually I know the answer to that, for money! I am amazed when people tell me that their darling fluffapoo cost them over 1000 pounds. You paid all that for a mongrel when the pounds are overflowing.

No matter how many times you tell them that mixing two breeds gives you a mongrel, they simply do not get it. They are truly convinced that their puggle.... pug crossed with a beagle, is the most amazing thing in the world. However, if I go and find two dogs that got jiggy and produced the same thing, they are disgusted.

People will argue with me that these designer breeds are helping people with allergies, and that the dog has a better temperament! REALLY... suck it up, people have been allergic to animals for years, we do not need to encourage any more breeding in the world. All these people are in fact doing is lining the breeders pockets.

So, if you want a "designer" breed head to a pound, I can make any old BS up that the breed is anything you want it to be. The reality is, does it really matter what breed the dog is if it is a match them that is all that matters. Save your money, and invest in a dog that loves you, rather than what looks good on your FB page.

Guard Sheep

Most people have guard dogs, some even have geese to guard the property, us we have sheep. Now you may laugh but until you have run from a charging ram you will never fully understand. I didn't have a lot of experience with sheep until volunteers begun to turn up with lambs they had found in the mountains. Now, I know more, and one fact is RUN when they begin to charge towards you.

The lambs were cute when they first arrived, they had to be bottle fed, and followed me everywhere like little lost puppies. Harry and Little legs soon grew, and become more territorial with every passing week. At first they would wander around throughout the day, never bothering to annoy or hurt anything. Now they have to be shut away in their pen during the day, but at night they are free to wander the property.

God forbid anyone that steps foot on the property, as there is nothing more scary than being head butted by a 100KG ram. Everyone here as experienced either being trapped somewhere, or attacked by the sheep. My daughter was trapped in her car one day for an hour, as every time she opened the door they rammed her car. I have a huge respect for animals, and understand what they are capable of, which is why I always have one eye on the sheep and one eye on an exit if they are around.

Saying that the rams are loving, and do enjoy their heads being rubbed, and being tickled behind their ears. Although sheep were never on the original plan, they are part of the family now, and do ensure that we are kept safe at night and guarded.

Darker than Dark

I live up in the mountains, which means that it is dark, really dark, darker than dark, no light pollution at all, therefore, it is pitch black. Now you understand how dark it is, the fact that I am not good in the dark, is a bit of an issue. I truly do believe that every noise, is an ax murderer who has trudged up the mountain to kill me.

As nightfall approaches, and everything is put to bed, I retreat to the safety of my goat shed, under a duvet. I avoid going out in the dark as much as possible, however, there are the odd occasions when this is necessary. Last night I found myself wandering around in the dark, searching for a dog, this was not by choice, but more because hubby declared he saw a dog on the property.

Hubby knows never to wake me unless urgent, as the one thing I love more than coffee, is sleep. I rolled over and like a small child answered him whining " do I have tooooooooooo"  Yes was all I got back. So, I presumed it must be important, and dragged my arse out of bed, grabbed a torch and asked him a few basic questions.

Now men are not the best with information, as when asked if it was one of our dogs he said "dunno" when asked if it was a kennel dog I got "dunno" how big "dunno" injured "dunno" do you see how there was a pattern forming. Off we trudged, in the dark, where there are scary things, and noises to look for a dog. Now me being me always imagines the worst scenario, that all the dogs have escaped, a neighbors dog has got in and killed everything, never that it is a small poodle searching for a home.

After 15 minutes of searching, and no dog being seen or heard, hubby declared he might have been wrong, and it might have been a chicken, I turned and all I could say was "REALLY"  WTF did you get me out of bed for, to look for a chicken that wander around all night, every night. Off I stomped back to bed, in the dark, convinced the ax murderer was following me!

Dead Dog in The Car

I have the most bizarre things in my car, and if you have ever been in it, you will fully understand what I mean.  There is a huge amount of dog stuff, from leads to food, ensuring that if I ever see a dog I can attempt to catch it. There are wipes and air fresheners to try and make my car look, and smell slightly better. Often there are meds, tablets, and even syringes if I am on the way home from the vets.

One night the contents of my car, and the events of the day nearly got me locked up, for a long time, thankfully the guardia understood and saw the funny side. It begun in the usual fashion with too much to do, and rushing around, at some point during the day I had dropped my driving licence. This caused a huge amount of swearing, but not  a lot I could do, so I carried on my day.

I had been to the vets, and was shattered when I came back, parked my car, got the dogs out, and thought I will empty it out the next day. So, all the meds, syringes, and ice packs with viles were still in the car. This wasnt an issue, as the car and me were not leaving the property, or so I thought. Until my phone rang at 11pm, a distraught volunteer had found a dead dog on the motorway, and had no idea what to do.

I dragged my arse out of bed, threw clothes on, called daughter, and set off, forgetting I had no driving licence, and a cool box full of drugs. I collected daughter, and we went and found the volunteer, and the dead dog. To not cause anymore chaos on the motorway, we put the dead dog in the cage of my car and drove to a near by carpark so I could scan the dog for a microchip.

This is normal when you do what we do, so having a dead dog in the car, although sad, doesn't really freak us out. So, there is daughter and I, in the dark, maneuvering a large dead dog so I could get the microchip number. Once this had been done, and the vets notified so they can update the database, I decided to collect husband from work as he was nearly finished.

Off I drove into the middle of resort, with no driving licence, a cool box full of drugs, and a dead dog, still not really realizing that this could potentially cause a stir. I parked outside my husbands work, and we sat and waited. Next moment the guardia pulled up behind me, and suddenly the penny dropped....... I had no driving licence, a coolbox full of drugs, and a dead dog in the boot.

As the guardia got out of their car, and walked slowly to my window, FUCK was all that I could say loudly. He tapped on my window, and I froze, where the hell was I going to start...... now the guardia here do not only ask you for your paperwork, they empty your car, and search it, not because you look dodgy, but because they can.

After a lot of explaining, and many times repeating I think the guardia left us as they could not deal with the HUGE amount of paperwork, or they realized no one could possibly make up what we had just come out with. So, please if you ever lose your driving licence, have drugs in the car, and a dead dog in the boot, stay at home, it is far easier!

Breed Specific Rescues...

I work with so many different people, and organisations and on the whole they are great to work with, but the hardest groups are breed specific rescues. Why do they they think they are better than everyone else. Why do they think because they rescue ONE breed that they know EVERYTHING. Sorry guys, but to me REAL rescue is rescuing everything, no matter of breed, looks, age or imperfections.

Breed specific rescues, spot a dog that they want, and send rude, impatient messages stating they can "take the dog" The fact that I never asked you to take the dog amazes me, and the odd occasion I have asked breed specific groups to help, they have said no because the dog isnt perfect. Dont get me wrong not all breed specific groups are stuck up, and very rude, just a huge number of them.

I work with one group that are amazing, they do an incredible job, and save as many of this breed as they can. They do not care how old, what conditions, they really do love the breed, and they know the breed inside out. They also listen to what I have to say, and do not dismiss me, because they think they know more.

A & M rescue Bull Terriers, and before I got involved with them, I didnt have much to do with the breed, and too be honest they are still not top of my favorite list. However, these guys are incredible, they have rescued over 40 Bull Terriers from the Canaries alone. As with all dangerous breeds here, this breed get a tough life, they are used, abused, and often discarded.

Once found, and rescued, I can never take the credit for the transformation on these dogs. A & M are what rescue is all about, they love these dogs, spend huge amounts to ensure that they are loved, and cared for. Now Im not going to lie, I do chuckle at some of the things that they do, as making dogs tea and biscuits, cooking them roast dinners and putting them in onesies is bizarre to say the least. However, it works as these guys have the most harmonious environment for these dogs.

Initially when I first started working with these guys it was like treading on egg shells, they had HUGE hearts but were blinkered to what we see day in day out. Slowly though they have toughened up,and I find that I dont have to sugar coat as much as before. So, thank you guys for saving as many dogs as you do, for making me laugh at your posts and photos and for being down to earth normal people.

Check out Bullie Bonkers Rescue and below are just some of the dogs that this group have saved, rehabilitated and rehomed!

Every Move You Make They are There!

When I had my kids, I soon learnt that I could no NOTHING without them loitering, any mother will relate to this. You cannot eat, pee, bath or talk on the phone without a child staring at you. Having animals is the same, just multiplied by 100... well in my house it is.

I love my animals, but there are times when I just want five bloody minutes on my own to do basic things like type, eat or pee. I find that no matter what room I am in there is an animal, or two or ten, and they all want my attention. If I try and answer my phone, which is rare, Prince decides this is the perfect time to start barking. So, the person down the end of the phone gets... " Prince, prince PRINCE..... PRINCE SHUT UP."

Eating is something that has become the most difficult, the moment you sit with food, the masses descend, i'm sure they can smell food from 400 miles. No matter what you are eating there is typically a cat sat staring. If you are really unlucky all the dogs will also circle the table like sharks, waiting and watching. Even Stevie who is blind, knows when there is food, and waits just in case.

Bathroom trips have become the only time I can really be alone, remembering to close the door is essential, as if not you are soon joined by EVERYONE. Now my bathroom is not big, and it gets overcrowded very quickly. Sleeping is also a luxury, as the moment I go to bed, the cats begin to arrive, now in the winter this acts as a fantastic blanket, but 25 cats on top of you is heavy.

Stalking me is also something that can get annoying, especially as I tend to stop and change direction often, which causes a domino effect as I trip over the line of dogs and cats behind me. As I spin round, I fall over the first dog, yell move at the second one, and by the fifth or sixth animal it is total chaos. Apparently this behavior is normal, and basically I have to suck it up and retreat to the bathroom with a locked door if I want peace....... I wonder if I could move the sofa, and TV in there too.

Terrorist Ferret.....

A while a go the Chinese President was visiting the island, as you can imagine everyone was on high alert, with police and security everywhere. He was staying in one of the five star luxury hotels in Melonares, one of those ones I wouldn't dare step foot in as too smelly! Whilst staying there, the guardia had an emergency, with an one eyed, terrorist ferret.

In reception appeared a ferret, now this in itself was unusual, but he had one eye.... so obviously this made him a threat to the Chinese President. I agree a ferret in a five star hotel is strange, but taking the leap to terrorism was extreme. The guardia, locked down the hotel whilst they captured the suspect, and took him off for interrogation.

As ferrets tend not to speak, they found questioning him was hard, but they did decide to xray him, and check that he was not packed full of tiny explosives! After a few hours at the university, it was decided that the ferret was no threat (no shit Sherlock, I could have told you that) However, now the guardia had a new challenge, what to do with a one eyed ferret. Of course, call the crazy foreigner, she will take it.

So, the ferret arrived, delivered by the guardia, in a cardboard box, all tested and safe from explosives, I did feel better knowing I wasn't going to be blown up at some point!! Off he went to the vet, to have his eye or lack of eye looked at. Small operation later to stitch the socket up, and home again. Now what to call the litte guy, of course.... Mu Fasa was choosen :)

Goat Hunting....

I am successful at finding many animals, and have spent hours searching, when given the right information, details, and even photos. However, when handed a map the other day of where a goat was, I was left without a clue. Come on people, landmarks, names, and even photos would be helpful, not a badly drawn map on a scrap of paper.

I am often found loitering in certain places, and Canary Tattoo is one, you will find me drinking coffee and moaning about the world. Why? because it has one of the best tattooist there, and two his wife works there, who listens to my moaning. So, people know there is a connection between me, and this place, and bring dog stuff, and crap maps for me.

A young guy walked in there the other day, before I arrived, and asked if they could help with goat. Now although the tattoo shop deals with a huge amount of different clientele, goats is not one! My friend is far more patient than me, and listened to this guy waffle about a goat in distress, and where it was. Now, she is crap with directions, and could in fact get lost walking from her house to the tattoo shop, therefore, a map was needed.

The guy set to work, red pen in hand, and drew me..... well a useless piece of crap! Yes it has the motorway on it, we all got that, and apparently the three blobs are trees. He did however, write GOAT very clearly so I knew exactly where the goat was... REALLY! I'm not going to lie, I looked at the map for at least 2 mins, and then carried on talking about crap.

I will help any animal, and will even climb mountains, cross busy roads, and wade through water to rescue them, but I need better instructions..... SO for the guy that drew the map, thanks for caring, but must try harder with the instructions next time!

Dog Fights .....

Dog fights are more common in pounds and kennels than you may think,and many dogs lose their lives, alone, and terrified. Fighting in the pound happens for many reasons, and there is often nothing that can be done if it happens overnight, or when the pound is closed. If the fights break out whilst open, the volunteers will step in, or if you are crazy like me you go in the corrals and break them up.

The day started like any other, I was wandering around the pound, when I heard the unmistakable noise of a dog being attacked. The dog was screaming in panic as they often do, with frenzied barking from the other dogs. As I approached the last corral I could see a dog, being literally ripped apart. Now sometimes shouting works, even banging on the cage, but these dogs wanted this dog dead. They were not going to stop, and in that split second I didn't think I simply entered the cage.

As I stood trying to pick up the large dog that was being attacked the other dogs kept coming, I was stealing their toy, and they were not happy. I soon forgot the pound was open and that the front of the corral had filed with onlookers. I lashed out at the other dogs, and suddenly realized I was in the male corral, and that I had no idea what was out the back. I knew I had to get out of there, but I also had to take the dog with me, who I was convinced was going to die in my arms.

I literally dragged him out and managed to shut the main gates behind me, so there we sat in the pound, both covered in blood. I looked down at him, and knew I had to save him, after a brief but harsh conversation with the vets I stated he was coming with me. I also discovered that he was in fact one of my reserved dogs, so this made me even more determined he was going to survive.

The dog was placed on a stretcher loaded into my car, and off we went, I kept telling him he was not going to die in my car. In my heart though I knew this was very likely the top of his head had been ripped open, and he had so many punctures and rips the outlook was not good. I called by vet on route, and told him to get ready it was going to be a long night.

We made it to the vet, and we carried him in, my vet simply shook his head, and told me he would do the best he could. My vet is incredible, and he spent hours stitching the dog back together, the dog was a fighter, and he didn't want to die. The dogs recovery was slow, but he made good progress, and slowly the wounds healed.

Duke now lives in France with an amazing woman, he is loved, and cherished. His outcome could have been so much worse, and he could have died on that cold concrete floor. When you take your dog to the pound, potentially they can die every single day. Would you want to be ripped to pieces by dogs? Then why do you think it is ok to put your dog in that situation!