Monday 1 May 2017

The Pig and the Goose

Many of the local people know what I do, and have begun to "drop" animals off which is really annoying. Some do have the decency to ask first, or even wait for me to get to the gates, and thankfully the guy with the pig and the goose waited. I dont always say yes to animals, and on this occasion it was a definite NO.

I love my bed, and sleep, and I am often tucked up well before 9pm, unfortunately the Spanish think this is early, and acceptable to be sat outside my gates, hand on horn, demanding my attention. So, off I stomp, pissed off due to the fact it is cold, dark, and I was watching some crap TV. When I get to the gates there is a guy I know, smiling like the village idiot, rambling about a pig and a goose.

The 20 minute conversation that followed was strange:

ME: Hola
 P: I have a pig for you
ME: A pig?
P: Yes a pig, a gift
ME: I dont want a pig
P: Take the pig
ME: I dont want a pig
P: Take the pig
ME: You take the pig
P: What am I supposed to do with a pig?
ME: Well what the hell am I supposed to do with a pig?
P: let it loose on the property
ME: Not happening
P: So, you do not want the pig?
ME: Hold on, where did you get the pig?
P: I saved it from... (a well known tourist attraction on the island)
ME: Well go and put it back
P: How?
ME: The same way you took it im guessing
P: I can't I may get caught
ME: You are worried about this now, after you jumped their fence, stole a pig drove 50KM to get to me in the dark, with a pig on the back seat.

At this point he looked upset, wandered off to the boot of his car, opened it, looked in and said.... " I presume you dont want the goose either" I decided it was time for me to go back to bed, and wandered off wondering how the hell they had got two animals out of a busy tourist attraction without anyone noticing, and why the hell they thought it was a good idea to bring them to me in the middle of the night. So, remember if you bring animals in the middle of the night, there is a chance I will say no!

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