Monday 31 July 2017

Dead Neighbour

It suddenly occurred to me the other day that I had not heard the neighbors, annoying screaming voice for a while. The woman has such a distinctive voice, a lot like running your nails down a chalk board. When she screams "Pedro, Pedro" the whole neighborhood can hear, and trust me it is loud! So I begun to wonder if they were dead, of course in my head they couldn't just be on holiday, they had to be dead!

My next thought was if I found their rotting corpses, what would I do, and of course, the first thing I thought was, I would reclaim the roofing sheets the thieving bastard took from us! Then I thought, no fuck it I will take everything.... Then I might call the policia.

So, I decided to go and investigate, operation Pedro was underway, and I stood on my wall staring into his property. This does resemble something from Steptoe and Son, therefore, seeing if things were untouched was hard. The little yappy dogs were not running around, so, everyone must be dead!

Now, Pedro doesn't live in a house, he lives in a shed, even worse than my goat shed, so there isnt much to explore. There is one window, and I decided I would need to go and peer in, to see where the rotting corpses were. Maybe he had shot and killed his wife, due to the annoying voice, and then died of boredom.

I found the window, and my first thought was, they do sell glass cleaner in the shops you know! As I was trying to wipe dirt off the window and peer in, I could sense someone was watching me, oh yes Pedro was stood behind me. He didn't look so dead, in fact he had a look of WTF are you doing. I smiled and muttered "sorry I thought you were dead, and your window needs cleaning" Both statements were stupid, and he looked even more confused, but I made a quick exit, and had failed to make friends with the neighbors, or get my roofing sheets back!

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