Wednesday 14 March 2018

Top Things No One ever Tells You About Owning Animals

The closest many people ever get to being around animals is the petting zoo on a Saturday afternoon, where the animals all behave, there is no poop, and nothing smells. The reality is far from this, and there are several things no one ever tells you before you go down the crazy path of animal rescue.

  1. Animals are gross by nature, and love being gross, and some will even wait until you are nearby to increase their grossness. Animals produce a huge amount of poop everyday, and many don't care where they go. They will do it in their feeders, water, sleeping area, and my chickens even manage up the walls. 
  2. Animals are violent, you may think they are cute, but in fact they are plotting how to kill and injure all day long. Watching any animal for any period of time, you will realise they are incredibly devious. The animals at the petting zoo have had their spirits broken by hundreds of little hands rubbing their heads. 
  3. Holidays and time to yourself simply does not exist, you may be able to grab two hours max away from the chaos. However, you need to brace yourself for what has happened on your return.  Asking a friend to pop over and water the plants, and feed the cat is not an option, and no friend will offer. Every animal is waiting for you to leave to plot their revenge, and the only way to escape is to breed workers who have no choice but to help.
  4. Everyone around you with animals is insane, waiting to kill you in your sleep or inbred, and shots, and mutters of "get off my land" can be heard for miles. Everyone knows each other, yet no one speaks. You must only wave if they wave first, or it is seen as a sign of weakness. Your neighbours know who you are, how many animals you have and what breeds, but cannot count up to 10. 
Even knowing all this now, I still have animals, it is like some weird cult, once you are in there is no escape. 

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